It was just as bad as I thought it would be. "Martha" looks so awful. Yet she was making JOKES! Everyone in the room was crying and she was admonishing them that she was "not dead yet"!!! She made fun of her boss - a huge man - police chief for one of our cities - who broke down while I was reading her Living Will to her - she turned around and looked at me and said "big for nothing!!". She was talking to me about how she had not been able to finish a scrapbook she wanted to leave for her son who is 8 years old. I told her I would come to her house and help her finish it if she wanted me to.
Obviously this all brought back awful memories and feelings from my father's fight with cancer. And yet, in an odd sort of way it was cathartic for me. My father was 74 years old - lived to enjoy his grand children, to meet some great grandchildren. Yet here is this woman who is 44 years old - who should be making plans for the next 30 years.... and she is dying not only with dignity and acceptance, but with an unbridled sense of humor. Honestly? It made me feel guilty to still be mourning my father as deeply as I am.
When you really sit down and think about all the things that bother us... weight, not enough money.... and you weigh that against what Martha is going through. Wow... talk about perspective!
I read her her Will and her Living Will. She and I had spoken about it before and I had taken the liberty of writing in them what I thought she would want. When I was done, her brother, her boss, her father, her sister.... all crying. She just took my hand put it against her cheek and said "thank you mama. That was perfect. God sent you to be my angel." Well, that did it. I was DONE.